Loving Where You Are

I have a co-worker who is obsessed with having the "perfect" family. You know which one I am talking about, the one with exactly two children, one of each sex, spaced perfectly apart.

Because this co-worker also has bi-polar tendencies (as several people have mentioned in passing after certain events) I keep my opinion to myself when she shares. But here is what I think.

No family is perfect. But all families are perfect in their own way. I have two children. A girl and a boy. They are fourteen-months apart. We live in a small home we own in a suburb. But we are NOT perfect. We are, however, happy. We love our children, we try to meet them where they are at and we don't always succeed. Another friend of ours is single mother of one. She struggles, but makes sure all her son's needs are met. She gives out of love and never stops. She has a good relationship with her ex-husband and he keeps in close contact with his son. She never dreamed this would be how she would be raising a family, but she has chosen happiness in all things and has made her family situation perfect for her.

So, my advice to this friend is to give up what the world tells you is perfect and embrace what God gives. Only this will bring happiness and a "perfect" family.

Are we Christ for one another?

There is a hymn I like that starts like this, "We are called, we are chosen, we are Christ for one another...". My apologies, I have no idea the name or song writer of this hymn.

I like the idea of being Christ for someone else, but what does that mean?

Obviously there are many interpretations. Mothers and fathers are Christ for their children, they sacrifice in love for the safety and well-being of their children.

Recently, a family member of mine made a rather earth-shattering and life-changing decision and at the same time, a friend of mine I have not had personal contact with in a number of years made a national announcement that took a lot of courage. And I'd like to think that my response to each was, in a way, being Christ.

I'll start with my friend. Back in high school, I was friendly with and worked at the YMCA with a guy named Clayton Grissom. Clayton was kind of nerdy, very loud, very talented and had a voice that sounded like satin. He was amazing. He was funny. He loved kids. And, unfortunately, it seemed he would be "stuck" in our town with his talent put to very little use. One day, my mom asked me if I had ever known Clay Aiken from high school or the Y. No, name didn't ring a bell. "He's on American Idol," she said annoyed with me. I never watched American Idol. So, I scanned it the next time. And there was this guy, boy did he look familiar (American Idol spruced him up a bit by this time), was this the guy she was talking about? Then I heard him start to sing and my jaw dropped. What had Hollywood done to Clayton Grissom? He lost Idol, but went on to the fame he deserved. And in the last couple of weeks, as we all know, he came out on the cover of People magazine as gay. Now, for those who knew him, this was not a shock as Simon Cowell so eloquently put it, "It's like finding out Santa Claus isn't real." Some people may have been put off by it. Some may have applauded it. But for me, it was like the "Clay Aiken" mask had come off a bit and now people could see the Clayton I knew from high school. The guy who wasn't afraid to share his opinion. I felt pride that now the world could see the person I had known. I pray for strength for Clay (as he would still like to be called) as he is going through a great transition as a person and a father. I pray for his friend Jaymes and their baby boy Parker. I pray that he continue to keep the dignity that led him to teach special ed and love kids of all colors and creeds at the Y. I am doing what I hope Jesus would in loving him and praying for him.

I cannot divulge here all of the details of my family member's recent decision. What I can say is that the decision made was his alone and our family is both supportive of him as well as scared for him. I have been praying to Saint Michael to protect him and also praying for spiritual discernment for him. I again think back to high school and the bracelets that were all the rage "WWJD?" Well, Jesus would love him, pray for him, and patiently wait for this person to come to him. And so I do the same. I do not believe this family member made a wrong decision, I just want him to be able to live with this decision.

I hope that I am able to be Christ for all those in my life in some way. Don't you?

Since 1958...

I am 50 years old.
Since 1958...
I have learned to embrace each day with gratitude.
I have learned to love deeply.
I aspire only to walk humbly with God.
and in all things,
I rejoice.
Peace and All Good!
Lynn

A Mother's Moment

About 2 weeks ago I had a real mother's moment. But first a little background.

Dorothy was a woman I knew in my teenage years. Her daughter, Christine, and I became friends through the church youth group. Dorothy took attendance. She was a faithful Catholic and a mother of ten. Christine was her youngest. I also became close for a time with two of her other daughters, Eileen and Caroline. Shortly after I graduated from college, Dorothy passed away. I recently reconnected with Christine online and we had been sharing pictures and stories of our children and families now.

So, back to the present day, about two weeks ago, I was home with the kids on a Saturday, alone, as I usually am on those days. Someone was crying, someone was having a temper tantrum, and this had been going on for the better part of about 45 minutes. This was after a fairly trying morning that had included a child feeding a dog off of a spoon that she refused to use to feed herself, another child hitting his sister hard enough to leave a mark, and a delivery man coming to the door which had caused dogs and children alike to go bonkers. In the middle of it all I said outloud, "Dorothy, I don't know how you did this ten times!"

Suddenly, I heard Dorothy's voice, clear as day, "They're only this young once. Just love them and enjoy them." It was so clear and real I turned in the direction I heard it but, of course, she wasn't there. I looked down at the two squalling toddlers at my feet. I felt my eyes tear up and a lump in my throat. I knelt down and scooped up the baby in one arm and coralled the two-year-old to me with the other. I just held them and we sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star a couple of times. The crying began to subside. The temper was cooling and the two-year-old was now cuddling. I looked up at the cross hanging on the bedroom wall and whispered, "Thank you Dorothy, your intercession was just what I needed!"

Missionaries

A girl I went to high school with is living in Madagascar. That is right, living in Madagascar. She and her husband are missionaries with the Assemblies of God churches. Her husband is a nurse practioner and runs a mobile clinic and they run an orphange of about 40 children. They also have two children of their own.

I pray for their safety and for those they care for. I read on a blog of hers recently that roads are so bad there they pray for angels to be with them each time they drive. There is plague in Madagascar and they have found rats in their home from time to time. There are frequent kidnappings, especially of foreign children.

I pray for them because, without people as courageous as Heather and Aaron and their kids, Isabelle and Josiah, there would not be people receiving medical care or hearing the word of God. I pray for them, because I myself am not couragous enough to leave the comfortable country I live in with my children and husband to live in a place where I know no one and don't know the language just to spread my faith.

But Heather and Aaron are examples to me of something else. They are examples that we should all be missionaries in our every day life. We should pray and read the Gospel and live the life God wants us to live so that others may see and be converted.

God Bless the Santmyire family in Madagascar and all the other brave Christian missionary families and religious brothers and sisters. May God always protect them as they spread His word.

A Life Altering Conversation

It started out very casually actually. It was between me, my mother and my sisters a few years ago. My parents were in their late sixties and my dad was beginning to experience some heart concerns. I was ~100 lbs over weight, I had headaches, reflux, hip pain, foot pain, knee pain, depression etc, etc, etc.

My sister shared a story that she had read that proclaimed that the greatest gift that you can give your child of any age is your healthiest spiritual, mental and physical health. It was like a dagger in my heart.

I love my four children more than myself, more than life itself. I sacrificed in so many personal ways. I made sure that they knew about God, went to church,and were fed well. We ate meals together, had a nice home and a lot of material things...But I neglected myself. In neglecting myself, I neglected them. My physical and mental health were deplorable. I was obese and I was a mental train wreck tormented by useless anxiety.

The conversation was a life altering moment that would define the path that I would choose, with God's help, for the rest of my life.

I had to loose weight and with prayer and tears that is where I began.
Today, with the Lord always before me, I am ~100 lbs less and very active.
I am working to secure a future that will allow me to be a light in the lives of my children and grandchildren and not a burden.
I continue to walk closely with God and seek Him in every way.
I talk to HIM.
I am fit and active and moving in toward a very healthy weight.
I aspire to be a joy and comfort in the lives of those I love.
I cannot spare them the pains and disappointments that life will inevitably throw them,
but I can love them, attend to them and be a HEALTHY sounding board and resource.
I can RUN!!!!
I may not leave my children the wealth of this world,
But by Faith, prayer and the Grace of God,
I can leave them the riches of heart and soul,
and the best Me I can be.
What wondrous love is this?
A casual family conversation lead to a pivotal moment of truth.
My cup runneth over.
Peace and All Good!
Lynn

Note from Base Camp

This morning we are battling hang nails and poopy diapers.

I live for days like this!

Rain, rain go away...

Some days feel like endless rain. Last Saturday, was endless rain. Tropical Storm Christobal dumped rain on us from sun-up to sundown. All day long. Trip to the park--cancelled. Walk around the block--not a chance. So we sang songs and colored and played games and read books and finally. Shelby and Joey had had it! They were sick of Mommy and sleeping doggies. They were bored of their toys. We had read every book that would hold their attention--three times--and a few that wouldn't. Twinkle, twinkle, Little Star, had lost its luster. Mommy was unsure what activity to pursue next. Then, in a flash of dog barking and car lights: the rain stopped.

Well, not really, Daddy had come home though. Daddy, who the kids hadn't seen all day. Daddy, who played different games than Mommy and read with different inflection. Daddy, who brought home McDonalds as a special treat for his homebound family. Who says the sun wasn't shining at our house?

I've often wondered about moms' groups for Christian or Catholic moms. What are they like? Are they full of rosaries and prayer requests and reading bible stories and discussing how they fit into mothering a 21st century child? Or are they more like something I saw on tv yesterday.

I was at lunch at work watching a rerun of Yes, Dear. The premise was that Kim and Christine wanted the family to go to church. While at church, they found out about a men's group and pretty much forced Greg and Jimmy to join. Greg and Jimmy were surprised to find the minister leading a group that gathered to watch football and ultimate fighting. Not discuss feelings and the Bible.

It made me realize how much I myself, would like to be part of a group of moms that met like that. And also how much I would like to be a part of the other type of group, the one that does pray and have God as the focus each week.

Some Days

it would be nice to be lying on a beach in the Carribbean or in bed eating bon-bons.

Some days, but not right now. I've got to start therapy for Shelby, start potty-training, get someone to sleep in her bed not the floor, help someone who is desparate to walk, feed and water dogs, feed and water kids, feed and water plants, vaccuum, dust, sweep, mop, fold laundry, go to the park, and say prayers. It's wonderful to be needed!

Being a Mom

is about ups and downs and little unexpected joys and losses.
Last Friday, we were told Shelby has Pervasive Developmental Delay Not Otherwise Specified or PDDNOS. It was not a very unexpected diagnosis, but one we have to live with and work with. I have started a blog dedicated just to the struggles and joys of having a child with a developmental delay called At My Own Speed. Please see us there for more on Shelby and our life. This blog will obviously keep going, but will not focus on these issues.

July 4, 2008

Fellow Countrymen: At this second appearing to take the oath of the Presidential office there is less occasion for an extended address than there was at the first. Then a statement somewhat in detail of a course to be pursued seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years, during which public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase of the great contest which still absorbs the attention and engrosses the energies of the nation, little that is new could be presented. The progress of our arms, upon which all else chiefly depends, is as well known to the public as to myself, and it is, I trust, reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all. With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured. On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it, all sought to avert it. While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Union without war, insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war—seeking to dissolve the Union and divide effects by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war, but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive, and the other would accept war rather than let it perish, and the war came. One-eighth of the whole population were colored slaves, not distributed generally over the Union, but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen, perpetuate, and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union even by war, while the Government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war the magnitude or the duration which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with or even before the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes. 'Woe unto the world because of offenses; for it must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh.' If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses which, in the providence of God, must needs come, but which, having continued through His appointed time, He now wills to remove, and that He gives to both North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense came, shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him? Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said 'the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether'. With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan – to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.
~Abraham Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address Delivered March 4, 1865

Today we are facing a battle much like the Civil War in our country. It is pitting brother against brother. American against American. And neither side will back down. The battle is for God's presence in our country. Instead of guns we are armed with our faith. We live in a society that is not godless (for God is everywhere regardless of one's belief) but is ignorant to God or worse turns its back on God. We live in a society where secular values and beliefs seem prevalent. We live in a culture where doing what is right is often trumped by doing what is popular. And so we must fight. We must pray for strength in our fight and for the souls of those we are battling against and that their hearts may be changed.

Like Bob the Builder says, "Can we build it? Yes we can!"

"Can we fix it? Yes we can!"

God Bless America, Land that I love. Stand beside her, and guide her Thru the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans, white with foam God bless America, My home sweet home.

~God Bless America, Irving Berlin

Summer Breeze

Summer is a hot, sticky affair in southeastern NC. Very humid. Very humid. Very, well, you get my point.

It is also full of sunshine, short on rain, plenty of lightening and bugs galore.

Days like today, are rare. At 8 am it is only 66 degrees outside. Right after Shelby was born, we experienced a brief summer withdrawal from the heat. For a couple of short weeks, temps were cooler, in the seventies as opposed to 90's. It was a couple of weeks I could take her out for walks. Last summer, huge and pregnant with Joey while chasing a toddler around, I had no such break.

This year, it is nice to have a break from being pregnant, although now chasing a toddler and a crawler, and getting a little break in the heat.

Thank God for small blessings.

Is their a "more religious" form of parenting

Some may say so. This question came up with a co-worker of mine. He is a member of an AME Zion church (African Methodist Episcopalian). His sons are teens now, but he encountered something at a neighbors home he had never seen before. Attachment parenting. The couple had three children, ages 5- 6 months who were all co-sleeping, the infant was kept in a sling at all times on one of the parents and all the children (well the older two) were breast-fed past 24 months.
My co-workers question was, is attachment parenting a religious practice. His reason for asking, the couple were West African and practicing Sunni Muslims. And being that he had never known anyone to practice this, it seemed a fair question. As far as I know, Islam doesn't dictate attachment parenting. I have known Muslim families who didn't practice it. I do know for sure, that there are a fair amount of Catholic families who practice attachment parenting as well. Don't believe me click here.

It is common that we criticize what we don't know or understand. It is just as common for us to promote our way of thinking as the "best and only way." We forget that just because our way works best for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone else.

Case in point, attachment parenting. I was never committed to the idea. Good thing too, my daughter, wouldn't have stood for it. She wanted to sleep in her own bassinet or crib from day one, although she demanded to be nursed and did until she was nine-months old and I was pregnant with her brother. I think the milk changed and she stopped liking it. My son, on the other hand, was not a very eager nurser (he did well, just wasn't as gung ho as his sister) but slept in our bed until the age of five months. He disliked being put down and would not sleep anywhere but with us. So, really, attachment parenting didn't 100% mesh with our family. I know a lot of people disagree that I put my children in a crib, but just as many feel it was child abuse to let my son sleep with us. Either way we did what was right for our family. And I can't waste my energy on what other people think...as St Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the Gospel at all times...when necessary use words." Point being, I can't hope to convert anyone to anything through angry rhetoric, but if I live my life and people see I am happy, they will begin to wonder, and their conversion will begin.

Happy July!!!

We are hoping July will be like June and have a few cool days...particularly next Sunday when the big girl turns 2!!!!