Three of My Favorite Things

Inspired by Suzanne and her sharing of three things she loves occasionally, I decided I would share three things that made me especially happy of late:

1) Fried Clam Strips and the house tartar sauce at the Sanitary Restaurant: these were not your frozen clam strips, they were homemade and the BEST I have ever tasted. And the tartar sauce actually received rave reviews from Jeff (the picky chef). It was so good, he went back after our dinner to pick up two bottles to take home. You can order it from their website.

2) Little Caesar's Pizza: $5 for a pizza that feeds our whole family! I was sad to discover that in my ten year absence of Little Caesar's (we just got 2 new franchises in our area, none before that) that Baby PanPan is no more, but I also introduced my family to the goodness that is Crazy Bread and Crazy Sauce and even though there is no delivery and it's a little bit of a drive for us, we are willing to make the occasional sacrifice.

3) The pictures hanging in our hall of family: Joey says goodnight to them each night and is learning to say everyone's name. He is confused though as to how the little newborn in the carseat is his big sister.

From Today's Gospel

Jesus said to his disciples: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken place. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the Kingdom of heaven. But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the Kingdom of heaven."

Mt 5:17-19

Jesus, Remember me, when you come into your kingdom.

To_____or not to_______

breastfeed.

Danielle shared on FFL's blog about a recent anti-breastfeeding rant in the Atlantic by a "feminist." This article reveals that the author has decided that breastfeeding has kept her from truly meaningful work, which is a huge slap in the face to those of us who feel that there is no more meaningful work than giving birth and raising children to become productive parts of society. On the other hand, there is an in-depth discussion about how breastfeeding studies are conducted and the faults that occur with them, which is worth reading objectively, especially if you're a mom who has had great difficulties with breastfeeding or is ONLY doing it out of guilt or pressure. Let me explain:

A few years ago, when I was pregnant with Shelby, a co-worker gave birth a few months ahead of me to a baby girl. She desperately wanted to breastfeed. First, because nothing the doctors could do would get her to dilate past six centimeters (her water broke and she spontaneously labored on her own), she was forced to give up her dream of a drug free birth and had a c-section. Because of complications due to her size (she was overweight long before becoming pregnant) she had to be put under for the c-section (doctors couldn't get the spinal or epidural into the correct place in her spine due to her size). This delayed starting breastfeeding as, of course, she had to come to before that could start. Then, she had a baby who just would not open her mouth well. Lactation consultants came in and finally little girl opened her mouth wide enough, but then refused to latch. Finally, just as the first 24 hours were coming to a close, baby was opening her mouth, and latching. And with the help of pumping, Mom's milk started to come in within the next 24 hours or so. But instead of baby's stool going from black, to brown, to yellow, it was bloody. And tests revealed the unthinkable, this little girl was allergic to Mom's breastmilk. It's rare, but it had happened. Devastated, this woman started her baby on formula. And to add insult to injury, she was derided by others for this. It wasn't exactly a choice, but that hardly mattered to a few of her new "friends" that she had met through a local breastfeeding class (not LLL) who felt that she had caved to pressure from the pediatricians and had not fully utilized the lactation consultants. This sent Mom into a funnel of depression that had to be treated medically as well. She told everyone that she felt like a truly horrible mother.

This was an unfortunate and extreme case. I was just two weeks from delivering my daughter when she told me and I cried. What would happen if I could not breastfeed? What would people think of me? I didn't have to worry, after all, I had this baby who was born to know how wide to open her mouth, how to latch, and how to be a great little breastfeeder. But I can understand how women can feel betrayed by breastfeeding experts and it have nothing to do with feeling as though their personal trajectory was interrupted.

While pregnant with my daughter, I dutifully read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and every other breastfeeding manual on the market. My mother went against the grain when choosing to breastfeed myself and my brothers. Her three sisters and two of her sister-in-laws followed suit. For me, it was nothing short of expected that I would breastfeed and I wanted to! It was a marriage made in heaven. The more I read, the more I was hooked on the advantages to my baby that would occur with breastfeeding. I took LLL up on a chance to meet with some of the local groups to "try out" and find what would work for me. One group heavily frowned on working mothers. I was out. One group disliked pumping for any reason as it would create a breach between Mama and baby. I was out. One group advocated a vegan diet. I'm sorry, I love red meat but more than red meat, I love fish, I wasn't going back. I quickly realized this was not quite the "support" my breastfeeding needed. I had encountered what my step-mother-in-law (a breastfeeder and breastfeeding supporter) had referred to as the "La Leche Nazis." And so I decided to go it alone. I was so excited to give my daughter all the advantages. And subsequently, my son.

When my daughter had her first ear infection at three months, I figured, okay, this could happen, breastfeeding decreases the amount of ear infections, but a month later she had another one and the following month. It wasn't pretty. My son still developed nasal allergies, in his first year. Turns out they were genetic from his paternal grandfather and great-uncle. (That took over eight visits to the pediatrician to decipher.) I slowly came to realize as I looked at my own kids and the breastfed kids around me, that breastfeeding was never going to be a cure-all. The real kicker was a friend with a six-year-old who exclusively breast fed for 12 months and then breastfed with solids until 2 years to prevent obesity. Her little girl was short and off the charts in weight. She was considered morbidly obese.

But everything I had read told me otherwise!

I stopped feeling guilty that at nine-months I had had to stop even non-nutritive nursing for my daughter because my pregnancy with my son had caused my milk/colostrum flow to stop and I was so sore with my first trimester that putting a bra on hurt. I stopped touting all the "medical benefits" of breastfeeding and started focusing on the bonding benefits and the convienence benefits. And I listened a lot more sympathetically to moms who couldn't breastfeed or stopped before they wanted to.

I never regretted my decision to breastfeed and plan to continue with Will. But, I have come to feel as though those of us who support breastfeeding need to stop judging those who do not for whatever their reasons.

Slainte!

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

From Today's Gospel

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,"Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times. That is why the Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.' Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan. When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, 'Pay back what you owe. 'Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt. Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair. His master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you? 'Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart."

Mt 18:21-35

Lord, teach me to forgive all who have done wrong to me and my family. Please shower me with your gift of forgiveness.

Some Days It's All About Comfort

Today it is rainy and cold. It's one of those days. My husband and kids are enjoying naps. I had a tomato sandwich for lunch (yes, I know about the heartburn thing, I'm buying stock in Rolaids).

It's a March day. It's an Irish weather day. It's a day that if we had a fireplace, I'd be burning a fire. It's a day that when I snuggle under my blankets, I thank God that I have them and a warm bed and a place and people I call home.

From Today's Gospel

Jesus said to the people in the synagogue at Nazareth: "Amen, I say to you, no prophet is accepted in his own native place. Indeed, I tell you, there were many widows in Israel in the days of Elijah when the sky was closed for three and a half years and a severe famine spread over the entire land. It was to none of these that Elijah was sent, but only to a widow in Zarephath in the land of Sidon. Again, there were many lepers in Israel during the time of Elisha the prophet; yet not one of them was cleansed, but only Naaman the Syrian." When the people in the synagogue heard this, they were all filled with fury. They rose up, drove him out of the town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town had been built, to hurl him down headlong. But he passed through the midst of them and went away.



Lk 4:24-30



Jesus, Remember me, when you come into your kingdom

Are You Trying to Win the State Fair?

Will weighs just over 3 lbs now at 30 weeks cooked and my doc has scheduled my c-section.

Like most pregnant women at this point, I'm exhausted, full of heartburn, sciatica, back pain, and short of breath. Constantly. I wouldn't trade it for the world. In just a few more weeks, we'll be done with this part of the journey.

This pregnancy has been very different from my first two, especially because, it's a winter pregnancy. Now, true, I became pregnant shortly before Labor Day (I know, the irony) and winter chooses not to show up here until just before Christmas, but considering I had baby number one just days after July 4 and we were seeing 95+ degree days with 100 % humidity every day and baby number 2 in late September causing me to be my most pregnant in the hottest days of our year in August, this has been a mild weather pregnancy. I even saw snow, twice (!) in this pregnancy. So, I tend to think that is the reason I am less whiny in general this time around.

I was telling a friend who just had her second son last fall that because Will is the size he is right now and very active, I feel like I can't breathe and have to pee pretty much ALL the time. She lives a bit further south of me in an equally tropical climate and now with her early fall baby, she knows a bit about being this uncomfortable. She emailed me that when she was about this far along, it was so hot, and she was so miserable that when her doctor told her at an ultrasound that her son was over 3 lbs, her response: "Are you trying to win the state fair? Get him out!" She did have to wait a few more weeks and now she is happy she did, of course.

While having a 3+ pounder this early does make it look as though I might be going for a record, the only record I want, is the birth record saying my third child has been born!

From Today's First Reading

In those days, God delivered all these commandments:
"I, the LORD am your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery.
You shall not have other gods besides me.
"You shall not take the name of the LORD, your God, in vain.
For the LORD will not leave unpunished the one who takes his name in vain.
"Remember to keep holy the sabbath day.
Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor's house.
You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male or female slave, nor his ox or ass, nor anything else that belongs to him."

Ex 20:1-3, 7-8, 12-17

Lord, teach me to follow your commandments and ways.

From Today's First Reading.

Shepherd your people with your staff, the flock of your inheritance, That dwells apart in a woodland, in the midst of Carmel. Let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old; As in the days when you came from the land of Egypt, show us wonderful signs.
Who is there like you, the God who removes guilt and pardons sin for the remnant of his inheritance; Who does not persist in anger forever, but delights rather in clemency, And will again have compassion on us, treading underfoot our guilt? You will cast into the depths of the sea all our sins; You will show faithfulness to Jacob, and grace to Abraham, As you have sworn to our fathers from days of old.

Mi 7:14-15, 18-20

God thank you for your gift of forgiveness. Please pardon our sins that we may join you at your heavenly throne.

And now you know...

the rest of the story.

This week in Raleigh, a couple of hours from my home, a judge in a divorce proceeding ruled that three children being homeschooled by their mother must now attend public school as their father wishes.

This is a very hot-button story. I have several friends who have all said they would never, ever, under any circumstance under the sun do anything but homeschool. Some are marching on Raleigh to protest this ruling.

But this story raises multiple questions in my mind. First of all, it's a divorce proceeding, so is this a vindictive husband trying to take power from his wife? Or is the wife using the homeschool time to try and change her children's feelings toward their father? We can't know. We aren't there for her lessons and we don't know if homeschooling was a source of discontent in the marriage. Second, according to the story on WRAL.com the children were not being homeschooled until their mother joined the Sound Doctrine church where, the story states, "all the children are homeschooled." Does this mean that if she left the church she would stop homeschooling? Or if she joined another church this decision would change based upon the beliefs of the church? Is the children's father a member of the church? Does he have a falling out with this group? Are the children members of the church? Do they feel they should be homsechooled as part of church doctrine. Third, do we really know if a public school education would be better for the children? Would it be worse? These children range in age from 10yrs to 12 yrs and have only been homeschooled for the past four years according to the story, do they have a preference?

It is very easy to see this as an attack on all homeschoolers. I could easily fall into the trap of being outraged, but there are so many unanswered questions. And for me they all lead back to the fact that this is a decision based out of a divorce proceeding. I don't think this is a landmark precedent case endangering the rights of all homeschoolers as the children's mother claims when she is quoted as saying, "I cannot sit back and allow this to happen to other homeschoolers." I know other divorced couples for whom this argument never entered their divorce settlement. Many homeschooled before the marriage ended and continued after. And there is no disagreement that the kids are doing well being homeschooled, the judge is not delivering any type of edict that homeschooling is inherently evil or wrong. He is making a decision based on this one situation. If the parties involved had not put this into their divorce settlement proceedings, there wouldn't be this type of fallout. This comes down to a disagreement between two adults regarding the raising of their children that they could not settle between themselves and forced into the courts.

Since none of us knows what is going on behind closed doors for this family, it is impossible for me to choose sides. The personal decisions between my husband and I about how to school our children do not appear to be affected by this as I am Catholic, READ: DIVORCE IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN and my husband, as a child of divorce, would not allow it to happen either. Until I know the rest of the story, I'm reserving judgment, on the homeschooling issue. To speak on the divorce issue, I will say this, it destroys lives. This case appears to be no exception. Children will be without both their parents together and, as this disagreement illustrates, may not be able to count on their parents to come together when it is in their best interest.

Jesus said to the chief priests and the elders of the people: "Hear another parable. There was a landowner who planted a vineyard, put a hedge around it, dug a wine press in it, and built a tower. Then he leased it to tenants and went on a journey. When vintage time drew near, he sent his servants to the tenants to obtain his produce. But the tenants seized the servants and one they beat, another they killed, and a third they stoned. Again he sent other servants, more numerous than the first ones,but they treated them in the same way. Finally, he sent his son to them, thinking, 'They will respect my son.' But when the tenants saw the son, they said to one another,'This is the heir.Come, let us kill him and acquire his inheritance.' They seized him, threw him out of the vineyard, and killed him. What will the owner of the vineyard do to those tenants when he comes?" They answered him, He will put those wretched men to a wretched death and lease his vineyard to other tenants who will give him the produce at the proper times." Jesus said to them, Did you never read in the Scriptures:

The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; by the Lord has this been done, and it is wonderful in our eyes?

Therefore, I say to you,the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that will produce its fruit." When the chief priests and the Pharisees heard his parables, they knew that he was speaking about them. And although they were attempting to arrest him, they feared the crowds, for they regarded him as a prophet.

Mt 21:33-43, 45-46

Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom.

Small Successes

1) I am eating grapes and canteloupe for breakfast. It is satisfying the sweetness pregnancy craving and is healthy.

2) Instead of praying for people to change, I am praying for their sanctification. And so far, it is working.

3) I am offering my pregnancy pains up more easily. Not necessarily automatically, but it is becoming a bit easier.

From Today's Gospel

Jesus said to the Pharisees: "There was a rich man who dressed in purple garments and fine linen and dined sumptuously each day. And lying at his door was a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man's table. Dogs even used to come and lick his sores. When the poor man died, he was carried away by angels to the bosom of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried,and from the netherworld, where he was in torment, he raised his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he cried out, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am suffering torment in these flames.' Abraham replied, 'My child, remember that you received what was good during your lifetime while Lazarus likewise received what was bad; but now he is comforted here, whereas you are tormented. Moreover, between us and you a great chasm is established to prevent anyone from crossing who might wish to go from our side to yours or from your side to ours.' He said, 'Then I beg you, father, send him to my father's house, for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.' But Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.' He said, 'Oh no, father Abraham,but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent. 'Then Abraham said, 'If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.'"

Lord, I pray today for all those unable to hear your words by way of their own self-induced deafness. May our hearts be open to your word and that of the prophets.

Pride is a Sin Too

I recently read a very good post about Catholic parenting and parenting in general in which the author described herself as being a "crunchy" parent in some ways and a "creamy" parent in others using the metaphor of types of peanut butter to classify different elements and dimensions in her parenting.

Yeah, I'll admit, I'm somewhere between the two. I breastfeed, but have all c-sections. I immunize, but we try to grow a lot of our veggies too (which is every bit about the money as the nutrients). I've worn Birkenstocks and I've worn patent leather pumps.

What struck me about this post and some posts I've read elsewhere, is that this mom is trying desparately to say that while she doesn't agree with everyone's parenting in the world, she is also not interested in fighting over whether it's a good thing to shave your arm pits or not or whether the decision to make some clothes for her kids is about sustainability of the land or economic sustainability.

Nothing turns me off more than when someone comes up to me and professes their way of life is the best. That's true in parenting, religion, politics you name it. What offends me is when someone does one of these things online and uses a pseudonym or tries to remain anonymous. While I will admit, there are some situations where, for personal safety or to protect the privacy of someone else your identity may need to be kept under wraps, but I have seen many an open forum where people are using obscurity to go after one another and attack each other.

And lately, I've seen A LOT of this going on on Catholic sites. What is so important for me to remember is that pride is a sin. When we tout our way as the best way and only way and all others are going to you know where if they don't comply and ESPECIALLY when we do this anonymously so that we can't be called out by name, we are acting out of sinful pride. Now, I am not talking about calling someone out who is speaking falsely about the church or against the truths taught by the church or someone who is doing something that is harmful to a child (starving them for example), but, when we make a snarky comment about how someone gave their child a piece of chocolate during lent and how our child knows better than to ever ask for something so indulgent whether it is what is being given up or not and we do it under a pseudonym (like SuperCatholicMom or the like) or anonymously, are we not acting out of pride. Are we not trying to make ourselves better than the person we are comparing ourselves to?

It's a careful dance, but we must always remember that anonymous on the internet to readers or not, God knows who is at the other end of the ip address. And it is to God that we must answer when our pride gets the better of us.