Tiny Treasures Tuesday

William--Oh the saga of the teething tot! Will is cutting more teeth. And he does not like it one little bit! He is, however, enjoying being more and more mobile. If only those legs would let him walk! He had his nine-month check-up on Friday. Just a seasonal flu shot and his iron was checked and is great. He is healthy and happy and that's just the way we like him!

Joseph- Joey was a great help to his grandparents who kept the kids this weekend while Mommy and Daddy went away. He soothed Will when he was upset, he got his grandmother when a dog threw up in his room and told her "yuck!" when he showed it to her, and helped his grandfather with a snowman. Also, new words, "watch" (as in Mama's watch), "uh-oh" (not really a word, but he says it a lot all of the sudden), and of course, "yuck!"

Shelby- Shelby has the biggest news of the week! She peed on the potty! Her grandparents worked with her and Joey all weekend and SUCCESS! one time she made it! She enjoyed the praise of her grandparents. We haven't had a repeat, yet, but are working with pull-ups during the day and daycare will continue on their regimen. She had a great time with her grandparents this weekend and loved the snow!

Feeling Romantic?

A recent poll I showed asked what was wanted for Valentine's Day. I'm assuming the intended responders were women based on the options of flowers, chocolate, jewelry, a date night and peace and quiet.

Since Shelby's birth three and a half years ago we have not had a date night. I have gotten flowers. I'm not big on jewelry and chocolate just isn't a big deal gift for me.

So, this weekend for the first time, we are going away just Mommy and Daddy while grandparents come for a visit. Yes, this is long overdue.

For the first 18 months of parenthood (and by 18 months I had an 18-month-old and a four-month-old) my thoughts were hardly of my marriage so much as babies. And quite honestly, we felt better being together as a family with the kids at that point. It wasn't that we thought things were bad when it was just the two of us, we just preferred the kids around. But a couple of months later, around Mother's Day, I was feeling like so much of a mom and not at all a wife. At the time Shelby and Joey were in daycare and Joey's teachers offered free babysitting on the Friday night before Mother's Day at the center for all the kids in their class for and a small fee for additional siblings. They even told me when they handed me the flier that they wouldn't charge us the fee for Shelby as they loved her so much. I was flattered and told Jeff I really wanted to do it and he agreed somewhat reluctantly and so I RSVP'd yes. Then, on the day of, Jeff canceled with the teachers and told me after I got home from work. He said he just felt like our time was so short with the kids that we needed to have them with us. He also said he paid for Shelby and gave them money for Joey because he felt since we were going back on our part of the bargain we should compensate them. I agreed with the compensation but I was upset about losing the time together. I kept it in perspective though, what Jeff said was true.

A few months later, I was pregnant with Will and shortly after that we both lost our jobs. We were planning an anniversary trip for March of last year and kept it just scaled it back and, of course, included the kids. But I was seven months pregnant so I was in full family mood again. But fast forward eight months and I had a six month old and something just felt like it was lacking in our lives and it wasn't the presence of the kids! I began asking Jeff for a date night, a movie after the kids went to bed, anything! But I was working nights and Jeff was doing his student internship and life was stressful enough without me begging for attention.

For my birthday we had decided to celebrate with some of Jeff's friends at a college football game. I had intended the kids to come with us as many of his friends had not met them, but Jeff decided we would leave them with my parents at their home. We had a great time with other adults, but it was clearly a family event as witnessed by everyone else's kids present. So it was a semi-date night.

After the successful night with my parents for the three kids, we decided we might be willing to try again and I ultimately booked this coming weekend (through my work I get a significant discount) to go to Emerald Isle and relax while my parents come for the weekend to watch the kids and the dogs. I am excited but also nervous. I know I will miss the kids and often wonder what they are doing. But at the same time, I will be enjoying the date night atmosphere as well as the peace and quiet. If flowers or chocolates make an appearance, that's okay, if not, it's cool too. And for the first time in a while, I get to be just a wife for a few brief seconds. I won't stop being a mother, but people won't identify me as that right away, it'll take two minutes.

God Spare Them, Please!

Over the last week we have been waging war in my house. Against colds. Shelby brought one home from daycare that KO'd her for two days last week. She is finally at day 10 and it is subsiding. Just one day later, Will came down with one and at the end of the week, on the day I took him to Myrtle Beach, Joey.

I have to say, my kids are pretty good about colds. Sure they are cranky but I've seen a lot worse. They don't love having their constantly running noses wiped, but they tolerate pretty well. Joey was the only one to spike a temp and Motrin perked him right up. Fortunately, he's my best one about taking meds. And of course, he began crouping, and he did fight the breathing treatments, but overall, it was mild. He spent a night with Daddy in bed, so did Shelby, but they either watched tv or slept, no big deal.

The worst part of all of this is watching them though. Hearing the terrible cough, the awful sneezes, all of it. Logical Kristen knows this is part of growing up and being human. We get sick sometimes. Mother Kristen hates it. Knowing that there is nothing I can do to take this pain from them is really rough. Sure, I have remedies that ease it a bit, but it doesn't end the suffering any sooner. When I get sick myself, the worst part is I'm afraid I won't be able to give them the same care I did while well. And that makes my recovery longer.

It's one of those prices you pay for motherhood that no one tells you ahead of time. No one really can because it's one of those things that until you experience it yourself, you never can quite understand it.

It's less than a week till Ash Wednesday...

Ack! Where has time gone? We are already half-way through February AND we are getting ready for the six week trek to Easter?

I am pretty unsure of what to give up or add to my life this Lenten season. Jeff and I will be trying to do only one meat dish a week, but that doesn't seem a tremendous sacrifice nor does it seem to significantly enhance my spiritual life.

Times like this remind me of a former priest of mine. When I would go to confession he would often tell me, "Kristen, (I always look at the priest face to face) it is one thing to confess and another to be so hard on yourself that you can't find anything good. That's a trick of Satan's!"

I find this to be true often in life. Sure, it's normal to have doubts about ones judgments or actions, but quite another to let doubt consume us and make us unable to make any decisions.

Maybe God is telling me that cutting back on our meat consumption is enough this year. Maybe we'll be able to find other simple things, listening to Relevant Radio in the car just occurred to me, to cut or add. Regardless, I think that trying to find more positive in my life and focus on it, while being an on-going mission, will ultimately be my Lenten theme this year.

WE are the primary educators of our children...

according to the catechism and John Paul the Great, but what does that really mean?

Lerin is pondering this at her blog and in her life. A recent change was made in their household from home school to public. Catholic school is cost-prohibitive.

There are lots of reasons that public, private, or homeschool might be a good option for your family. Perhaps your family is like mine, unable to afford private school but knowing for at least one child it's not an option anyway because Catholic schools in the area do not provide exceptional child programs or the therapies your child needs to be successful. And while homeschooling may be a nice solution, you're just not a good enough teacher to pull it off. So you are public by default. Or maybe you've made great sacrifices in extras, added a second job or even limited your family size to be able to afford Catholic school. Maybe, you're disillusioned by both and feel that you have to homeschool. Maybe your decision is one you made long ago and will stick to come "hell or high water" or perhaps it's ever evolving.

For our family, even without Shelby's needs we make too much to qualify for financial aid but not enough for tuition. And in these tough economic times, more and more families that might have qualified for aid just a few years ago no longer do. So, what's a good Catholic family to do?

I have found much peace in praying for discernment and realizing that, at this time, God is directing our family to public schools. We take very seriously the charge to be the primary educators of our children. But we also feel that for our family, the academic needs (in addition to Shelby's "special" ones) would be much better addressed in a classroom setting by a teacher. We would still be front and center with homework and classroom participation (I decided long ago to be the classroom mother for all my kids' classes). And family time is still a priority, a chance to teach and pass on the values we want our children to have.

People like to confront me with lots of objections to a public school education. (For the record, I was exclusively publicly educated, as was my husband who is a public school teacher.) The most common objection I hear is that my children will be victims of secular culture and will fall prey to bad influence. In addressing the secular culture question, I have to say that unless your children NEVER leave your house except to go to church, they are exposed and could potentially fall victim to secular culture. A simple trip to Wal-Mart will expose a child to more secularity than one can imagine. But by showing our children what is of God and what is not, we can combat this. The same way any other parent can if he or she chooses to do so. As for falling prey to bad influence, yeah it's a risk (one that Catholic school children are also in danger of facing) but along with that risk is great oppurtunity. My children have the chance to be the light for those around them. They have the potential to live a Christian life in public and show others the value intrinsic in it.

I can't in good conscience say that our decision is perfect, no one's is in all ways, but it works for us. It is what we are called to do. That may change as we allow God to direct our paths, but for now we are at peace. We are teaching our children what it means to be children of God and walk in His pathways, we are assisting in the academic realm and we are the primary educators of our children.

Tiny Treasures Tuesday

William-- "one fell off and bumped his head!" or tooth as the case maybe. This weekend we took the kids to Myrtle Beach for a family reunion of sorts with my dad's family. While I took Joey to the aquarium, Jeff stayed behind with a napping Will and Shelby. After Will's nap and his dinner, Jeff was letting him investigate on the floor and we believe Will might have been trying to pull himself up when he bumped his mouth and he began bleeding. There is a small bruise on the gum above one of his top teeth. He is battling a cold, but seems to perk up when Motrin is in the vicinity. And on Sunday he became nine-months-old! Man that went by quick!

Joseph--Joey had a blast at the beach. He visited with his great-grandparents and great-aunts. He snuggled with one of my cousins and took walks on the beach. He also said his own name for the first time. At the aquarium, while looking at sharks, I asked him what a shark swimming by's name was. Being he loves "Finding Nemo" I expected him to say Bruce and was surprised to hear him say "Joey" instead. To each his own. He also identified the sharks on a bath towel we had at home when we got back.

Shelby--Shelby had a great time at the beach. She was extremely social with the family including those she had never met before. Despite having a cold, she was in good spirits and enjoyed walking down the long halls at the hotel, playing in the sand and in the pack and play that her brother was supposed to sleep in. She also made progress with not removing her pants and diaper.

There's Not a Baby For You...

the nightmare is always the same. A doctor is telling us there is nothing else she can do to help us. We are not accepted by adoption agencies or foster care.

I haven't had it in almost a year, but this week it woke me up again. I crept down the hall where the kids were napping to see them in their beds.

In the last few months, Joey's godmother defied odds (no ovulation) to conceive and in January we celebrated my best friend from high school's son's first birthday. She overcame PCOS to conceive him her first month on clomid. But this Monday we remembered something much more somber, the stillbirth at 25 weeks of our neighbor's second son. Maybe that's why the nightmare returned.

Until a woman has experience infertility, she cannot know the pain of wanting a child she may never be able to have. Until a woman has experienced miscarriage or infant-loss, no one can describe to her the pain of almost seeing this dream come true only to have it illusively slip through her fingers.

I am incredibly blessed, when I wasn't getting pregnant, my husband told me that was okay. We'd adopt and if God decided we would not be parents that it was not our failing and that he didn't need to be a father to feel fulfilled in our marriage. I have friends' whose marriages ended because of infertility. In one of the most cruel cases, a friend conceived one time in 3 years of trying and lost the baby at ten weeks. After she and her husband agreed to stop trying, she found out he had been having an affair and fathered two children while they had been going through the church approved IUI method. Her marriage was annulled last week.

It is hard, sometimes to not think of myself as still infertile. It sounds crazy, I know, but it's true. In my family you just got pregnant and made babies. No one saw doctors or had tests, or, in my case, surgery. But as I explored my own cause of infertility and miscarriage (a uterine septum I was born with), I discovered that there is a good chance that before medicine was as adept at diagnosing it, someone in my family had suffered as strongly a I had. One of my maternal great-grandmothers apparently had several, possibly ten, miscarriages and, lucky for me, three live births, one of whom became my grandfather. I type this with hesitation, as infant loss and infertility are still taboo in our culture. A woman who cannot conceive is considered less than a woman. She is often left out of social gatherings surrounding a birth because no one wants to catch her eye or talk with her about babies or birth. People say they do this to consider her feelings, but really they want to avoid their own discomfort. And there are cultural references from this. In the Bible. In Genesis. When Jacob was forced to marry Leah, the older daughter when he truly loved Rachel and after he married Rachel his love for her well out-did that for her sister, God felt bad and made Leah fruitful and she multiplied. And God closed Rachel's womb. Is it any wonder we think of infertility as a curse or punishment from God?

When I was in my teens, my mother's sister was pregnant with her first child. That summer, when we visited NY, my mother and her other two sisters hosted a baby shower at my grandmother's home. Among those invited was a friend of my aunt's from high school. During the shower, my mother asked her if she had any children. She said no. Later, my aunt told her that the previous year, at 26 weeks pregnant, this friend had lost her baby. My mother was mortified that she might have put this woman on the spot but my aunt quickly reassured her, telling her that she and this friend talked often and one thing her friend had told her was that her biggest obstacle was people treating her like a normal person. Yes, she was heartbroken, and yes, it was still painful, but treating her like an outcast wasn't helping the cause!

In my teenage years, I admit, I would have been one to avoid had I known, but the harsh reality of my twenties has changed me. I share my pregnancies with friends I know are having difficulty conceiving because I know what it feels like to be left out. I tell them that if I am talking too much baby talk to please be up front and tell me, I work and do other things, I can talk about them too! If they are feeling sad or dejected, I don't offer platitudes (you can always adopt!, have you thought about in vitro?) and I don't tell them things like "it'll happen before you know it!" I listen, I sit and I listen. And I take some of that load from them. Sometimes we cry together. I do tell them, this is a loss, it is real and you have the right to mourn it. One friend told me she loved me more than I could know for saying that. It was what I wished someone had said to me.

Maybe it helps me appreciate my kids more when they are pouring maple syrup on my kitchen floor or finger painting one of my dogs, or biting. Maybe it's made me a more patient mother. Maybe it's made me more pro-life. But that nightmare, while it still haunts me, is one I wake up from with gratitude and rejoicing because it is just that. It's a life I glimpsed, but God spared me from. But with that glimpse God gave me a direction: for all those women whose reality is the nightmare, be the light.

Calculated Risk

Rachel has a great post about risk taking behavior by children, particularly boys. The type of risk being discussed is performing stunts on purpose that can cause bodily injury. Being a mom of five boys and having a baby on the way (sex to be found out at birth!) this is an issue close to her heart. But it should be close to every mother's heart regardless of the sex of her children, number or ratio of boys to girls.

But it's an issue, that for me, has implications far beyond the fact that I have two sons. A stupid stunt gone wrong by a young male, nearly cost him his life and by extension nearly cost me my family.

In June of 1980, shortly after graduating from high school, my husband, Jeff, went with friends to cliffs around Goldsboro, NC to go diving one night. They had been drinking (18 was the legal age to purchase and consume alcohol) but with my husband's personality, alcohol could not have been a factor and this still could very well had happened. NC was going through a drought that summer and the level of water in the Neuse River had fallen. Jeff had to be first and race up to the top and yelled he was the "King of the World" long before James Cameron asked Leo DeCaprio to say it while his best friend was trying to tell him to wait while they checked the water. Jeff dove. He broke his C5 vertebrae (his neck), his humerous (the big bone in the arm), and his clavicle (collarbone). He also had massive cuts on his scalp and hands. Immediately the others knew something was wrong. Very wrong. They raced him to the ER and called his parents. He walked into the ER on his own power. Once an x-ray was done (doctor's initially expected a skull fracture) and it was discovered his neck was broken he was raced to Pitt Memorial Hospital in Greenville, NC part of East Carolina University's School of Medicine. He endured the long hot summer in a "halo" that used bolts screwed into his head to hold it in place, he could not turn his neck. His vertebrae were fused and metal was put in to hold his spine together. His arm had to be set and a bone graft from his hip was needed to repair his collarbone. It was a long and grueling physical recovery and rehabilitation.

Today, Jeff is not wheel-chair bound. He is not paralyzed in anyway. He has pretty much normal range of motion and unless you see the scar on the back of his neck, most people have no idea. There are still physical issues though. Pain in the arm at times and of course, a stiff neck that you or I could not imagine at times. And there are still psychological/emotional issues 30 years later. And not only for Jeff.

Jeff is quick to point out to me the tell-tale scars of a halo. The actor Oliver Platt has them, for example. It's a pretty select club that has these scars; a type of brotherhood no one wants to belong to. And Jeff acknowledges that God spared him. For whatever reason he lived through this and without major disability. But he acknowledges it with both reverence, thanks and guilt. Friends of his have died, why was he saved? And for those that lived through the accident with him, there are also a range of emotions. I had someone ask me once, "Why didn't I try to stop him?" Other friends who now have teenage children tell them frequently when kids are going out Jeff's story. This isn't a person in a book they read about, it's someone they know. Someone who lived to tell when so many didn't. For some, this was the first experience they had seeing mortality up close and they are still shaken by it.

Then there is me. I didn't know Jeff when this happened meeting him almost twenty years after the fact. But for the last eleven years, I have lived it every day. I have never forgotton that God did spare Jeff, and if He had not, I would most likely not have a husband at all. Not to mention my children.

My kids will live every day of their lives with this reality as well. And their experience with it will be different from all of the others. As the children of someone who made a mistake and paid dearly for it (although not the ultimate price) they will learn somethings and probably be subject to some restrictions other kids are not. Every parent tells a child at some point, "don't do that, you'll break your neck," but not every parent can say that with the gravity my children's father can. And it does play heavily into our parenting. Jeff and I both know and readily acknowledge that we cannot prevent our children being injured physically. To some, in light of what he has been through, Jeff seems fairly casual about it. But inside, it tortures him. For me, I have to resist seeing my children, especially the boys and ESPECIALLY JOSEPH (who looks just like his father and has the same personality) as Jeff's children in the risk-taking respect. I have to remember that I am their mother and maybe they will have inherited a little bit of my balancing brain that weighs those risks. I also have to make sure I don't overreact both in my punishment for dangerous behavior, setting limits and reaction when an accident does happen. My kids will learn nothing of how to live life if I put them in a bubble and force them to sit still all the time. And, don't forget, some risks are worth taking, that's why we have things like flight, space exploration, and open heart surgery.

When I had children, I was taking a calculated risk, a risk that my health would remain good enough that I would be able to care for them, a risk that they would be healthy and not require years of medical treatments, a risk that I would be able to provide for them. I took a risk that God was going to give me the tools I needed to take care of and raise them. I thought a lot about this before getting pregnant, while pregnant and even now. And ultimately, I know that there will come a time when my own children will have to weigh the pros and cons of many things, including taking a chance at injury for whatever gain. I'm just glad, for now, that I might have another year or so before I have to tackle that time head on.

Tiny Treasures Tuesday

William-- Will is still busy cutting teeth and is doing his darndest to try and get through it without Motrin or orajel, which means a lot of gnawing, and biting. He is enjoying "boy time" the time Joey and Will have with Daddy during the day while Shelby is at school and Mama is asleep. The three have lots of fun playing peek-a-boo, hide and seek and everyone crawl around on the floor and see what we can find.

Joseph-- Joey is doing much better on sharing. Now, we have to work on his "enforcer" tendency. Oh that he could be the Mommy or Daddy or better yet, both. He is also wanting to play more with Will, but in a rougher way than we are comfortable with. He is also working on cuddling. We got a new bed and he loves climbing up into it and "pretending" to sleep.

Shelby-- Shelby is enjoying school and looks forward to going each day. She also developed a taste for white cheddar popcorn there. She is also loving to crawl under huge comforters and rest, and sometimes fall asleep! We play "monsters" with her while she is doing this. We tell her the Mommy-monster or Daddy-monster is coming to get her and give her squeezes. She squeals and loves it.

On This Saddest of Days

A Prayer for Abortion Victims

Holy Mother of God and of the Church, our Lady of Guadalupe, you were chosen by the Father for the Son through the Holy Spirit. You are the Woman clothed with the sun who labors to give birth to Christ while Satan, the Red Dragon, waits to voraciously devour your child.

So too did Herod seek to destroy your Son, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and massacred many innocent children in the process. So today does abortion killing many innocent unborn children and exploiting many mothers in its attack upon human life and upon the Church, the Body of Christ.

Mother of the Innocents, we praise God in you for His gifts to you of your Immaculate Conception, your freedom from actual sin; your fullness of grace, your Motherhood of God and the Church, your Perpetual Virginity and your Assumption in body and soul into heaven.

O Help of Christians, we beg you to protect all mothers of the unborn and the children within their wombs. We plead with you for your help to end the holocaust of abortion. Melt hearts so that life may be revered!

Holy Mother, we pray to your Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart for all mothers and all unborn children that they may have life here on earth and by the most Precious Blood shed by your Son that they may have eternal life with Him in heaven. We also pray to your Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart for all abortionists and all abortion supporters that they may be converted and accept your Son, Jesus Christ, as their Lord and Savior. Defend all of your children in the battle against Satan and all of the evil spirits in this present darkness.

We desire that the innocent unborn children who die without Baptism should be baptized and saved. We ask that you obtain this grace for them and repentance, reconciliation and pardon from God for their parents and their killers.

Let there be revealed, once more, in the history of the world the infinite power of merciful love. May it put an end to evil. May it transform consciences. May your Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart reveal for all the light of hope. May Christ the King reign over us, our families, cities, states, nations and the whole of humanity.

O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary, hear our pleas and accept this cry from our hearts!
Our Lady of Guadalupe, Protectress of the Unborn, Pray for us!



Our Lady of Guadalupe, we turn to you who are the protectress of unborn children and ask that you intercede for us, so that we may more firmly resolve to join you in protecting all human life. Let our prayers be united to your perpetual motherly intercession on behalf of those whose lives are threatened, be they in the womb of their mother, on the bed of infirmity, or in the latter years of their life. May our prayers also be coupled with peaceful action, which witnesses to the goodness and dignity of all human life, so that our firmness of purpose may give courage to those who are fearful and bring light to those who are blinded by sin. Encourage those who will be involved in the March for Life; help them to walk closely with God and to give voice to the cry of the oppressed, in order to remind our nation of its commitment to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all people. O Virgin Mother of God, present our petitions to your Son and ask Him to bless us with abundant life. Amen.



Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, in You we adore the eternal origin of all life. Born of God the Father before all time, You were born of the Virgin Mary in time. In Your humanity and Person You sanctified motherhood from the first instant of conception through all stages, for our salvation. Recall all people to these divine blessings to appreciate the unborn as person and to enlighten every human being coming into this world. In Your mercy avert Your just anger from the enemies of life, to allow God's infants to give Him glory and to be crowned with the heavenly life of grace. From the cross You called, "Behold your Mother." Amen



Loving God, I thank you for the gift of life you gave and continue to give to me and to all of us. Merciful God, I ask your pardon and forgiveness for my own failure and the failure of all people to respect and foster all forms of life in our universe. Gracious God, I pray that with your grace, I and all people will reverence, protect, and promote all life and that we will be especially sensitive to the life of the unborn, the abused, neglected, disabled, and the elderly. I pray, too, that all who make decisions about life in any form will do so with wisdom, love, and courage.
Living God, I praise and glorify you as Father, Source of all life, as Son, Savior of our lives, and as Spirit, Sanctifier of our lives. Amen



Prayer for the Helpless Unborn

Heavenly Father, in Your love for us, protect against the wickedness of the devil, those helpless little ones to whom You have given the gift of life. Touch with pity the hearts of those women pregnant in our world today who are not thinking of motherhood.
Help them to see that the child they carry is made in Your image - as well as theirs - made for eternnal life. Dispel their fear and selfishness and give them true womanly hearts to love their babies and give them birth and all the needed care that a mother alone can give.
We ask this through Jesus Christ, Your Son, Our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever, Amen.



For the Right to Life

O heavenly Father, strengthen us against the mounting forces of anti-life; enlighten those who walk in this deadly way that they may see the enormity of their sin and return to the generous observance of the divine law. We pray, too, for mothers, that they may prize the great privilege of motherhood; and that they may bring up their children in the holy love and fear of God, thus saving their own immortal souls and furthering the honor and glory of their Maker. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Pray for us, St. Gerard, protector of the mother and her unborn child,
that we may be worthy of the promises of Christ!

~~ from "Prayers for Today," published by Leaflet Missal Co.



Prayer for life by Pope John Paul II

O Mary, bright dawn of the new world,
Mother of the living,
to you do we entrust the cause of life:
Look down, O Mother, upon the vast numbers
of babies to be born,
of the poor whose lives are made difficult,
of men and women who are victims of brutal violence,
of the elderly and the sick killed
by indifference or out of misguided mercy.
Grant that all who believe in your Son
may proclaim the Gospel of life
with honesty and love to the people of our time.
Obtain for them the grace
to accept that Gospel as a gift ever new,
the joy of celebrating it with gratitude
throughout their lives
and the courage to bear witness to it resolutely,
in order to build,
together with all people of good will,
the civilization of truth and love,
to the praise and glory of God,
the Creator and lover of life.

~~ Pope John Paul II
Encyclical Letter "The Gospel of Life"
Given in Rome, on March 25,
the Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord,
in the year 1995.

Anniversary of Death

So, one more year has gone by, and what have we done?

Not enough, once again. And as if abortion still being legal was not enough of failure, we (pro-lifers and conservatives) have let a senate election in Massachussetts eclipse our cause in media coverage. The one time of year the liberal media outlets will actually listen to us and give us equal airtime...and we let it slip away. And even Fox News has given us less of a voice. Quite frankly, I am disgusted with the events of the last week. No doubt I am happy there is not another Kennedyesque cariacature in the Senate. I am glad that the current health care reform bill may fail (although I believe we do need a better system, I am against it happening in this form). But I am angry at people I know and know of who abandoned the pro-life cause this week to campaign for a senator...WHO IS NOT EVEN IN THEIR STATE!!!!

As we recognize the anniversary of death, let us all resolve to not let our pursuit of letting people know that ALL human life is valuable and deserves the right to be protected. Especially that of the most innocent.

Tiny Treasures Tuesday

William-- I swear, never was there a baby who laughed so much or so easily. Will is eager to catch up to his brother and sister and at the rate he's going it will happen soon! He is pretty fast as a crawler and loves games of peek-a-boo with Joey. He is also happy to see DJ Lance open up that boombox on Yo Gabba Gabba. The kids don't see that show often, but for some reason it's a real giggle fest for Will. He is also testing out his new chompers (4 on top, two on the bottom) on EVERYTHING. Too bad he's a bit too young to get the "No Biting Friends" song on YGG.

Joseph-- Joey is now crazy about Toy Story. Even more so now that he has figured out how to work the 9 inch portable DVD player his grandparents got the kids for Christmas. He calls the movie "Buzz" after Buzz Lightyear. So now we have "Dor-dees" (Cars), "Dee-dahs" (101 Dalmatians), "Momo" (Finding Nemo), and "Buzz" in case you are keeping score at home! He is now saying "backpack" and "map" which he learned from Dora and "choc-o-latte" (spelling the way he says it)the Spanish word for chocolate. He learned that one from guess-who? Dora! as well.

Shelby-- Shelby is having a rough winter. Being that we have been having record cold temps and it's been very dry (this week is the exception)her eczema is acting up. Thank you God for elodel cream. I don't know what we did before it. She is lathered up every morning and night in baby oil and lotion and also an appliction of the cream once a day. I will say this, for itching so much, she is rare to act like it hurts her like we know it does. She is more interested in jumping on the trampoline or since the weather has been nice the last few days going outside to investigate.

Your Parish--a choice or a resignation?

Faith and Family Live had a priest address the question of whether you were obligated to attend your neighborhood church or the church of your choosing. His answers were very interesting and he addressed the idea of "parish shopping."

For me this is certainly a hot-button issue for many reasons. Twice in my life I have first hand experienced being in a parish where I felt my "spiritual needs" were not being met. The first time I was a child and had very little say in the matter until my parents had finally had enough of the parish and we found sanctuary elsewhere. In reality the first parish was closer but not by a whole lot. My parents had very definite reasons to leave the first parish which I will not address as that is private information I do not have permission to disclose. The original church was one my parents had helped to found and the separation was painful. The architechture was unorthodox (something I could get over) and the worship was, for me, less than spiritually fulfilling. You could not quietly pray before mass because people, grown adults, were talking out loud. I learned a lot when I was there about listening for God as the quiet voice amidst all the banging noises. It was and is a parish that would be considered "liberal" by most standards. The parish we joined afterward had a very different feel to it. It was older, much more traditional, and most of the ministries felt more like ministry and less like a social event. Ironically, it was there that a charismatic (both in personality and Catholicism) youth minister named Ralph Poyo ignited many young minds, including my own. He was a wonderful example of how traditions within the church could, for the most part, peacefully co-exist.

When I went off to college, I utilized the local Newman Center. There was a church relatively close by but you needed a car to get there and I had none. When I did go though, it was with a heavy heart. I found what at first appeared to be a melding of contemporary and traditional mass/Catholicism but came to realize it was more of a hodge-podge of things thrown together and the right hand never seemed to know where the left was much less what it was doing. On top of all of this my boyfriend at the time (now my husband), not Catholic, felt VERY uncomfortable there. He received judgmental stares when he did not go up to receive communion, the priest never looked him (or me for that matter) in the eye when he greeted us or shook our hands, and people rarely offered their hand to him or even a greeting during the Sign of Peace.

A few miles down the road was a small Catholic church that was much more traditional where we found ourselves welcomed, where the priest remembered our names and offered to bless Jeff after mass privately since he was uncomfortable receiving a blessing during communion, and parishioners were warm and inviting. We were sad to leave it when we moved.

There is no "neighborhood parish" where I live now. In fact, our county only has two and they are almost 40 minutes to 1 hour away. So, I travel into the adjoining county to a parish only 20 minutes away. A beautiful and historic parish, it is one of the few that melds a fairly diverse population of Catholics well. There are members of many ages and stages there and several couples of mixed religions. Two of our three children have been baptized there (the one who wasn't was baptized at my parents' church) and we recently celebrated Joey's Godmother's wedding there. Jeff has always felt comfortable there which is very important to me and we have made good and close friends while still being members of a fairly large parish.

The point I am finally coming around to making is that it is a luxury that I, myself, and Catholics in America have to be able to choose which parish we would like to worship in. That being said, prayer should lead one to decide if they should try and help change a close by parish that is not "meeting their needs" or find a new parish. Before I complain about something at my current parish or any parish, I stop and take a moment and pray for those in prison who do not have a true parish to worship in or those overseas in non-Christian countries forced to practice in a home. Those in the hospital in small dioceses who may not be able to receive communion if they become sick or shut-in. Christ is present in the Eucharist in all parishes even if they allow girls to be altar servers or the priest invites children out to a Liturgy of the Word. If the parishioners are welcoming and see everyone as part of Christ's body or are openly hostile to outsiders, Christ is present in the Eucharist. We are blessed to live in a prosperous (and yes, I know about the recession) country where churches flourish.

For a slightly different perspective on this, last year Jen posted a blog about mass in the vernacular. Again, realizing that Christ is always present in the Eucharist, if we are in a foreign country or something has happened that the Spanish mass is the only one we can attend, "I don't speak the language" is not an acceptable excuse. So next time you consider bemoaning something at your church, perhaps the old Catholic stand-by of offering it up would be a better use of your time than complaint and then pray. If you are meant to be the light that changes things, do it, if not, God will let you know!

Bless them that persecute you; bless, and curse not Romans 12:14

It might just be my theme for 2010 and I've had to use it so far.

My brother is in the military. He is a Marine. He will most likely be deploying this year. My family sends me a LOT of those pray for military chains. A LOT of them. And I'll be honest, I pray every day but I don't always forward them. But this week, for some reason, I did. And I added a little note to say a prayer for my brother and his wife. I only sent it to a select few, people I know who pray and who, for the most part have military backgrounds. People were very generous in their responses until I got the last one.

This one was from the only active military person I sent to. Her father was in the military, her ex-husband was, her son is graduating from a military academy this spring and she is active duty. She asked me to never send her one of these again. She went on to tell me that the "whole military thing is really overblown" that soldiers "like to be deployed" and that "many are never in danger." In addition she added she was "not sympathetic" to military or military families and that "military spouses stick together" (although she and her husband did not) and all of them "know what they are getting into when they get married." She went on to say how her mother had weathered several deployments and how she herself had been deployed and it was all okay and for me "not to take this the wrong way," because I am a "really kind person".

Okay, I am human so the message stung a little, but then I read it again. And what did I read this time, "PRAY FOR ME! PRAY FOR ME! I KNOW I AM TELLING YOU MY LIFE IS GREAT AND NOTHING IS WRONG BUT THAT'S A TOTAL LIE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE STRONG AND I NEED YOU TO PRAY FOR ME AND NEVER STOP!"

I love this person, I really do and I pray for her every day. Life, hasn't always been kind to her. And the military that giveth so much to her also taketh so much away. She was held back two years in elementary school because of a learning disability (and moving every couple of years from base to base didn't help either). She is a middle child in a large family of almost all girls and seemed to get lost in the fray. She too went through long deployments of her father's as a child. Those things stay with you. She went through losing a very special boyfriend she thought she would marry if he wasn't going to college. After he was in an accident at the end of high school and decided to delay college he broke her heart and broke up with her. She joined the military to get away from him and everything else in the town she was living in and met her husband. Her husband was an officer. They lived everywhere and had three children. She also became Catholic because her husband is of Hispanic descent and was and she found a home in the Church. When her husband retired from the military they went back to school. Him to receive a masters, her to get her teaching certificate. They both graduated, but the US went to war and she had joined the reserves to get money for college and was activated. She was deployed although never to Iraq or Afghanistan but to neighboring countries where she worked a desk job. After returning about 3 years ago, she found the man she had married was not the man she loved any longer. She won't share details so all we know is her sons no longer see their father and her daughter has very limited contact and these were their choices. He wanted her to move out so she did. She quit her teaching job and joined the military active duty, moved to base and initiated divorce proceedings. In this time, her oldest son came to her (he is in the military academy) with the news that his girlfriend was pregnant. She found herself helping to support them as well as her other son in college and her daughter still in high school. More deployments followed and now she works a desk job in the military but hopes to have a classroom again when her time is up. And her son will graduate in May, be stationed somewhere far away with her new daughter-in-law (they will be married in May) and her grandson. Her divorce was final last year.

She is, I'm sure, battling fatigue for the military that has been ever present in her life and given her so much but at the same time asked so much in return. She lost her dream job, her marriage, her son's innocence all while reporting for duty every day. She feels as though the world is on her shoulders and I am so far away but would do anything to help move it if she would let me. She is also, I'm sure, scared for her son. And scared to let go. I mean, what mother isn't?

There will be better days for her. Days when she hopefully will be close to her grandchildren, have her classroom back, be mother of the bride, be at her son's wedding in May, and have real romantic love in her life. But until then, I know everything is NOT fine and she needs all the love and prayers we can send her way.

This incident reminded me that there will be protesters most likely when my brother deploys, there will be people who criticize me for working, there will be people who challenge me and my belief in God. But nothing I can do can be so powerful than to love these people who try to persecute me and pray for them and bless them all I can.

This friend was not trying to persecute me, as I've explained, I know there are reasons for her behavior, some of them very deeply rooted. I know she is hurting and will be for a very long time, but if I can do one thing for her and do it well I will. So I love her and I pray.

Tiny Treasures Tuesday

William- could this little guy be any cuter? He has FOUR teeth coming in up top right now (in addition to the two already erupted on the bottom). He giggles and laughs constantly and loves to play peek-a-boo with his brother Joey.

Joseph- My Joey laugh for the week. I ask Joey if he wants to watch Mo-Mo (Finding Nemo) to which he replies, "no!" So then I turn to Shelby and ask if she wants to watch Spongebob to which Joey replies, "no!" Then, in every mother's moment of exasperation, I say, "Joey I wasn't asking you, I was asking Shelby (I had said her name when I asked her), is your name Shelby?" To which he replied, "no!" Joey's new year's resolution is to start sharing more. He could start by not ripping a toy out of his brother or sister's hands and telling them, "mine." Inch by inch, row by row...slowly but surely!

Shelby- Shelby is working very hard in her speech therapy. She has also learned how to unzip zippers. No pocketbook is safe! She continues to enjoy school and hate naps at home.